- September 23, 2013
- Posted by: Sharon Greenthal
- Category: empty nest, family
Reinvention: choice or necessity?
More magazine was the mother of all reinvention magazines. Every month, it seems, there was another story about a woman who quit her high-paying job as a corporate attorney/brain surgeon/college professor to follow her passion and make dreamcatchers/bake gluten-free cupcakes/start a philanthropic foundation. With shiny, happy faces, these women told us that YES! we can do it too. We can reinvent ourselves and have a whole new life…if we just try.
These stories exhaust me.
It’s not that I don’t think what these women do is wonderful, admirable and remarkable. It’s just that so many of them have made the choice to reinvent themselves, often (though not always) with money in the bank and time to let their businesses or projects grow at a natural pace. For most of them, reinvention is living their ideal lives, and they’re fortunate to be able to dream their dreams and make them real.
Good for them!
Reinvention under pressure – now that’s something to admire. Reinvention when you have no choice when you’re on your own and you’re scared, when you’re starting from scratch with little money and even less time. That’s reinvention.
That was how my mother did it.
Within five years of moving across the country with her family intact, she went from being a married mother of two to a divorced empty-nester with a brand new Masters Degree in Family Therapy. She went from being, in just a few years, a housewife with a part-time job to a woman who needed to support herself. Five years changed her life dramatically.
With virtually no income or alimony, she managed to create a thriving private practice that lasted for 30+ years, until her retirement last September. She was able to support herself, save money, live comfortably and feel accomplished. Though she had plenty of moral and emotional support, her financial stability depended on her success as a psychotherapist, a job she was born to do.
Ask any of my childhood friends who would come to my house and spend the whole time talking to her.
She had – and still has – a gift for listening.
When my mother was going through this reinvention, I had very little idea of what a difficult situation she was in. I was in college, and far too self-absorbed to give much thought to the challenges she was faced with every day as she stayed the course and drew on strength even she may not have realized she had. It was, in hindsight, remarkable.
Reinvention and perseverance
The older I got, the more I came to appreciate what my mother had done. And the older I got, the more I was amazed at her perseverance – the long hours, the commitment she showed to her clients, her firm and well-earned belief in herself and what she did for the people who came to see her. There was never a weekend day when she didn’t call her office to check in and see if anyone needed her help. There were rarely days when she canceled appointments, even when she was in terrible pain from neck and knee problems. No matter what was going on in her life, she put it all aside for 30-40 hours a week to listen to – and help – her clients. And she made good money doing it, too.
What I’ve grown to understand from my mother’s experience – and now, from my own (much less stressful) experience after my years as a stay-at-home mom – is that reinvention is impossible without two very important things – desire and need.
Without the desire to change and the need to create something new, reinvention can’t happen.
Without the desire to succeed and the need to feel accomplished, reinvention won’t happen.
Without the desire to be generous to others and the need to feel rewarded, reinvention doesn’t happen.
Reinvention isn’t a moment, isn’t even a process – it’s a state of mind. For some, it’s a choice – but for many, it’s a necessity.
More magazine should have called my mother.
26 Comments
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What a great story! I’d love to see your mom in MORE!
Thanks Joy! That would be fun, wouldn’t it!
Why I was just reading my More magazine last night and saw those Reinvention stories. Congrats and happy birthday to your mom!
Wow. Your mother managed a lot of change in a very brief time period. And where she landed was right for her — the 30 years of maintaining a practice showed that. Good for her. Thanks for sharing her story.
Thanks for reading. I only wish I’d been more aware of what she was doing when she was in the midst of it – but at 19 I was clueless.
Your mom is an inspiration to all of us, thanks to your wonderful story-birthday gift to her. And, yes, More should feature her!
Thanks! She’d be a great story for them.
We rarely see the reinvention in ourselves or others until we look back and see how far we (or someone else) has come. What a wonderful role model you have! Give your mom a hug for me.
Thanks for sharing your mother’s story. A success & a tribute. A very strong woman, very much like her daughter I suspect.
Thank you Cheryl – I hope I’m like her in that way.
Your Mom is an inspiration. I am sure she had to work hard and overcome many obstacles. I think the desire is important and the need also to sustain the reinvention!
Thanks Haralee – she’s pretty terrific!
Doesn’t it amaze you to realize what is possible in spite of what is impossible. Thank you for telling your mother’s beautiful story.
b+
I am more amazed by it with every passing day. People really can do incredible things if they are given the chance.
“Reinvention isn’t a moment, isn’t even a process – it’s a state of mind. For some, it’s a choice – but for many, it’s a necessity. ” #amen
Great post Sharon !!
Thanks Jodi – you’re another great example of reinvention at it’s finest.
thank you, Sharon.
Like Golde sang to Tevye………….
After 25 years, it’s nice to know!
Love you mom!
Thanks! Yes, she’s one who really found her calling.
This is fabulous, indeed, and so true! I would love to know your mom, she sounds like a great lady, and what a wonderful tribute to her.
Hi Sharon. Your mom sure gave you a great story of reinvention! And you are so right about the fact that most of the stories in MORE Magazine are about women who figure out how to live their dreams through one means or another. And while I do consider that to be a type of reinvention, the one your mother went through is a story of pure determination and courage. Amazing. While I’ve had a few struggles in my life and I’m happy to say I’m not the same woman I was 30-20 or even 5 years ago, I’ve not had to struggle like your mom and other women faced with the same challenge. Thanks for sharing her story and reminding us that not all of us had a choice. ~Kathy
Sharon, I love this story about your Mom. She is certainly an inspirational woman and a great role model. I do like to hear about people making it in life despite the odds being stacked against them.
Sharon, now I see where you get all your get up and go. Your mom is inspirational. In this day and age listening is becoming a lost art. To think she not only reinvented herself, she also helped others do the same, all while enduring great emotional and physical pain. I can sure relate to that knee and neck ache. Please tell her she has my deepest admiration.
Now I see where you got your gumption from Sharon!
Love this post Sharon, your mother sounds like a remarkable woman with a whole lot of moxie. It is so true that a reinvention with resources, although admirable, differs from one where utter resilience, resolve and courage are at work.
Wonderful tribute to your mom, Sharon. She sounds like a remarkable lady – just like you 🙂